Thursday, June 22, 2006

Bad Hair Day Pt. 1

So I did it. I found out one thing that really sucks about living in the city.

Now I knew moving out here there were going to be some changes that I prepared myself for.
  • The public transporation is also a public bathroom
  • There are no Applebee's, Chili's, Chi-Chi's, or other suburban-type restaurants
  • People are stabbed daily
you know, the usual. But what I've just discovered really sucks. You cannot get a haircut in this city for under $50!

I used to go to a great place called Fannie's. The guy cut my hair, yes cut as in used scissors not just a trimmer the whole time, while a flat panel TV would play Family Guy. And the entire cost was $19! The place was great and the guy was hilarious. I knew it was in trouble when I was the only one in there everytime I got my haircut. So one day while I was brushing my long bangs out of my eyes, I walked up to Fannie's address and low and behold it had been cut. No Fannie's! What am I to do.

I now understand why women have such a strong love of their stylist. I tried the SuperCuts route and was treated like a new Army recruit. I was in the seat for maybe two minutes while the butcher went at my hair with a trimmer. Sure, it was $9, but I looked nine years old when I got out. So I need to have someone I trust. Someone who knows the style I like and the length and the topics of conversation...and doesn't cost a fortune.

I've started to look around and it looks like I'm going to have to attend one of those salon's where the man puts his whole name. Have you noticed that only the male owned ones do this? Micheal Jacobs Salon, Henry Goudeaux Salon, Dennis Rodman Salon...there are no female ones. Those all have the trendy names like: Water, Blue, Nightline, etc.

So I'm going to try one of these places out and see how it goes. I'll let you all know in my next blog. Wish me luck and please, tell Fanny I miss her.

Monday, June 19, 2006

I'm Still Alive

I know, I's been a long time since I've posted. I think Angelina Jolie had a baby. I promise to have a new post up soon. In the meantime, check out the latest episode of Knowledge is Power.

Monday, June 05, 2006

You're Fired!

I'm not sure if many of you know, but I work in academia. No, that isn't a cool arcade with the latest jetski video game...that means I work in higher education. And no, that doesn't mean we're all high all the time...although sometimes I think people who work there are. This leads me to one of my biggest beefs with the education system...TENURE.

For those of you not in the know, tenure is a process that was created in the '70s to keep faculty members from being fired for teaching against the norms. When a faculty member became tenured, they couldn't be fired without a really, REALLY good reason. I can see this being a necessary item in the '70s when professors were being fired for wanting to enroll more blacks and women, or informing students there are other religions than Christianity, or that Santa Claus isn't real. Either way, I think we've come far enough that we know you can't just fire people for no good reason. Shoot, when I worked at Circuit City we couldn't fire the girl that came in late everyday, sat in the back eating Doritos for twenty minutes, talking on her cell phone, and swearing at customers without having three writeups and then consulting HR to make sure everything is ok.

So I work with some faculty members that need to be fired. They are never in the office. I think they teach one class every two years. And almost all of the students have problems/issues with these professors. I'm not going to name names, but I have a friend that works with a Nobel prize winning professor, and says that this person has done nothing since they won the award...but they're still on the payroll.

I really think the idea of tenure needs to be removed. I don't see professors as being a benefit for enrollment. If anyone were to be tenured it should be the people that work in Marketing. When I was searching for colleges, it had nothing to do with whether or not Dr. Seuss taught there, it was whether or not I thought the university was a good one (i.e. Marketing). I can see in the long run that professors have something to do with enrollments in that well-known professors will bring in more students. But you could also say groundskeepers should be tenured seeing as I know certain people who pick the college based off the tour they took of the campus.

I also think America is pretty desensitized now. I've heard of classes that teach "How to be Gay: The Sociology of Homosexuality" which I would assume is pretty risque, and crazy stuff like how the Holocaust isn't real...I mean real nut jobs teaching. In the long run, students aren't going to enroll in courses with professors that are assholes or crazy or both. No other occupation has tenure. So if one day Bill Gates isn't well liked...he can be canned. But the senior citizen in my office that doesn't understand why hitting the "insert" button makes the computer "evil" and destory their "email to their son/daughter" about their "fishing trip".

So I've decided to make a short list of people/positions that I believe should be tenured.

1. Nurses

These are the men and women (yes, women are nurses, too) are the ones that deal with a lot of shit...literally. I don't know about you, but the last time I went to the doctor's office I was explaining to the nurse what hurt (my heart), why (Brad and Jen had broken up), and then was given some treatment ("Man up Pussy!"). And then the doctor walked in and I think said four or five words. What the hell?! I mean imagine me puking, pooping, bleeding, or a combo of all three of those and that's what nurses put up with daily. I think they shouldn't be fired without some real good reasons.

2. Magicians

These people are pimps! Think of how pissed off of a mood you can get in. Think that someone hit your car, when you got out to talk to them a bird poops on your head, and then your cell phone rings and it's your boss yelling at you asking why you're late. Now think of a pimp magician walking up to you, showing you something cool with a deck of cards, and all your anger melts away. I love magicians and think they should never be fired.

3. Comedy Writers/Actors

These are the people that acutally make the dull, repetitive job life fun! You know that person at your work that has an imitation of everyone there down to the "t". This person makes everyone laugh and really has no enemies. The other main reason is if you fire them, they'll end up making fun of you in their hit TV show/ beware.

Aliens, Ducks, and Pedophiles

The new podcast is up for this week. Please check it out here.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

The Worst Type of Scavenger Hunt

So before I started this whole blogging thing, I had done a great deal of research. By research, I mean reading other's blogs and thinking, "I can do that...but funnier!" Let's hope this is one of those times when what I think is actually right. Anyway, I've discovered that although there are hundreds of blogs in this Internet Sea, there are really only five main types.

1. The Political Blog

This type of blog can be divided into two sub-blogs. One being the "Bush is the stupidest, ugliest, redneckiest idiot I can think of in the history of humans and he and his entire cabinet should burn!" I've never understood why it is that people don't like the President's furniture...but to each his own. The other is the "President Bush is a hero to this country and all liberal, bleeding heart, pansies should toughen up and get real!" I'm very concerned about these non-liberals...what does their heart run on?

2. The Ideological Blog

This blog is the one that really makes you think. It's usually a very hip, young man/woman that lives in New York and has all these pondering questions on why is it that fur is legal but hemp is not. Or how can a God exist in a world where Big Momma's House 2 does number one in the box office. And other mind bending questions. Let me start over...this blog is the one that makes you think how is this person sober enough to type and how can they afford to live in NY and I'm still eating Lean Pockets?

3. The Like Oh My God Blog! :) @-->--

This is the blog that sometimes makes me taste bile. It's the ever famous blog of what you're hoping is a 12-13 year old girl, and discover it's the Assistant *Insert Job Title* that is at all your meetings. This 20-30 year old writes in her blog about "how totally rude Chad was at the party and luckily my beotchs were there to laugh and dance with me...dont'cha wish your girl was hot like me?!" These blogs can tend to upset me b/c I wonder how did someone with the writing skills of Girl Talk Diary get a job better than mine...but then I remember with a simple click of the Print button I can bring her down to my level.

4. The Nerd Blog

Hey, want to know about the hilarious animation mistake in the forest scene in LOTR2. If you're like me you don't even know what LOTR means (it's Lord of the Rings btw, lol). These blogs have all this info. From what Transformer characters will be in the next Michael Bay flick, to the number of times Seinfeld has said the phrase "Neuman". I have to admit, I like these blogs though b/c they're not trying to be anything other than what they truly are.

And finally, my least favorite type of blog:

5. The Scavenger Hunt

These blogs have so many hyperlinks I forgot what I was reading by the first sentence. Almost every word in the blog is a link to something else. Here is an example of what appears online:

I overheard two women talking about Enron today. I couldn't believe how stupid they were.

JUST WRITE WHAT YOU WANT US TO KNOW! I feel like I'm back in college and looking at the references to every sentence in a book I'm doing research on. After reading these blogs I usually take a nap.

So I guess my blogs fall in a sixth category The Rambling Blogs. These are my favorite, not only because it's the type I write, but it's usually some normal person's perspective on life and the little things that can either piss us off or make us laugh so hard we pee our pants. Either way urine is involved and that can't be bad. So please, enjoy my ramblings and take them with a grain of helps lower your cholesterol.