Friday, December 22, 2006

Everybody's Doing It

Just because I'm bored at home in Michigan during the holidays. My top ten movies of 2006 that I've seen so far:

10. Akeelah and the Bee

9. Wordplay

8. Brick

7. Mission: Impossible III

6. Thank You for Smoking

5. Stranger Than Fiction

4. Cars

3. Clerks II

2. The Departed

1. Little Miss Sunshine

Saturday, December 16, 2006

Three Men and a Podcast #14

Check out the latest episode

Friday, December 08, 2006

Listen to this podcast!

Three Men and a Podcast

HSX and More!

Three Men that know noting about raising a baby but everything about movies.

Enjoy! -- threemenandapodcast

Click here to get your own player.

Sunday, December 03, 2006

Why I Don't Understand Sports

Unless you accidentally fell into a fountain and have been frozen in time for the past two days, the biggest debate in the sports world is who should be playing Ohio State University (no, I do not put "the" in front as I believe there are more than one, and it wasn't the first in the state that's round on both ends).

The battle began when #1 ranked OSU played then #2 ranked The University of Michigan (I'll use it there though). It was quoted as "The Game of the Century" and had more viewers than Top Chef...I mean Iron Chef America...I mean Gray's Anatomy (sorry I'm hungry). The game was at The Horseshoe, OSU's field, and was as close a game as many thought it would be. The Buckeyes did win, but only by three points, which many credit to being home field advantage. Keep in mind this was the only loss for Michigan...against the #1 ranked team in America.

So on the other side of the Nation, The University of Southern California (yeah, I'll give them the "the" just for fun) was starting to get some hype. They had two more games left, after Michigan's final versus OSU. USC was ranked 3 at the time and only had one loss as well. That sounds pretty decent, right? Well take into consideration that they lost to Oregon State University. That's right Oregon State. Have you even heard of this college? No? Well neither had any one else until they beat USC, a team known for football, in which should have been a throwaway for them. So USC is also with one loss, with two games left in the season: Notre Dame and UCLA. Notre Dame was the game all were talking about b/c if USC beat them, well it was pretty clear they would jump up to #2 and knock Michigan to #3. Oh well, that's how life goes. Well, wait...Michigan gets knocked down a peg b/c their only loss is to the best team in the nation, while USC lost to a school where the only student apparel you can find is in the school's bookshop? Seems odd. Well USC defeated Notre Dame...oh...and so did Michigan in it's second game of the year when the Wolverines were ranked #11 and the Fighting Irish were #2. Oh and Michigan stomped them with a victory of over 20 points. Yeah, this was football not basketball...20 points. Anyway, back to USC. They beat the overrated Notre Dame and then go onto what many thought would be a cake walk against UCLA. UCLA is known for creating actors, not athletes. Well, we were all wrong when in a giant upset, UCLA beat USC 13-9. It looks like reason does win out. So many think that Michigan is fine, and a great rematch will occur in the National Title Game. Think again.

You can't forget Florida. "Florida?" you ask. Well, so did I and many other people. All of a sudden they're going to play OSU in the national title game b/c they just won the SEC conference. Wait. "Why weren't they talking about Florida at the same time they were talking about USC?" and "What's their record?" are two questions you're probably asking. Well, I asked myself those questions as well. No one was talking about Florida at the time b/c, well, no one thought they really had any reason to be the #2 team in the US. They themselves had one loss in the Auburn. "Auburn! I've heard of them!" That's right, they're no Oregon State. But keep in mind, Florida was ranked #2 when they played them, and Auburn was #11. So Florida lost to a team that they should've beaten. Well they go on to play five unranked after that and, surprise, beat them. This puts them in the SEC finals to play Arkansas (another team I'm sure you know). Well they beat them as well and all of a sudden, people think they should play OSU in the National Championship.

Here is where my confusion comes in. The University of Michigan only has one loss this season, against the best team in the nation. They didn't lose to a team that they should've beaten. Florida, on the other hand, loses to a team that is ranked nine spots lower than they are, and suddenly they're the second best team in the nation? Does this make sense?

If the point of the national championship is to have the #1 team play the #2 team, then wouldn't it make sense to have the two best teams play? OSU is obviously the best team in the nation. They're undefeated and they defeated two #2 ranked teams in the same season (they beat Texas earlier in the year). But how can anyone honestly tell me that Florida, a team that barely beat South Carolina by one point, is better than Michigan who came into the season ranked #15 and rose all the way to #2? I know many people don't want to see a rematch, but does anyone truly believe that Florida is a better team than Michigan?

Oh, and to anyone who says that the SEC has the toughest schedule, read up. The rankings of the teams that Florida played, in order, are 13, 9, 11, and 8. The rankings of the teams that Michigan played were 2 and 1. In the current BCS standings, there are 3 Big Ten teams in the top 5, all of which Michigan played.

So I'm done trying to understand sports and I'm going to go back to watching Top Chef. At least there I know that they're kicking off the worst chef.

Saturday, December 02, 2006

Borat? More like Boring.

So this Thanksgiving weekend, while in my groggy-full-on-mashed-potatoes phase, I decided to go see a movie. This is a weekend that I feel almost every American not only eats like a pig, but decides to then sit in a comfortable chair for over an hour and a half to watch a movie. I was debating on either Casino Royale or Borat. One was cheesy action, and the other was an indie-comedy that was getting rave reviews and surprised everyone in the box office. I chose Borat.

Let me first say that I thought the Ali G show was hilarious, which is one reason why I wanted to see this film. I also thought the trailer looked great and for the past two weeks I kept saying, "Hello, my namea Borat." (I still chuckle at that) So I wasn't one of these people who had no idea what Sacha Baren Cohen was about or that this was like Candid Camera's evil twin...I knew what I was getting into. I ended up leaving the theater not liking what I just saw though.

I'm not sure what Sacha's point of the movie is, so I'm going to critique it on what I saw. If we're supposed to watch this movie and laugh at Americans (which I'm all for, b/c we are some stupid, funny people at times) I ended up thinking we don't look too bad in this. From what I saw, Americans are nice to foreigners no matter how strange or rude they behave. We push all stereotypes to the side and treat them with respect. I felt the character of Borat used this against us.

The movie was also unoriginal to me. He made New Yorkers look like a-holes, southeners were racist, and frat boys drink. new. I also found it interesting that he treated the black people in the film with respect and never poked fun at them, but Jews and Christians and everyone else was up for grabs. If he wants to make fun of America, he should make fun of it all. It seemed like he was just reinforcing the stereotypes Americans already have of their country.

If you have a seen the movie and would like to read a great satirical piece on it, check out this read from the New Yorker. This is probably the first time I've ever praised the New Yorker.

Save your money and rent this, and go see Tenacious D in the Pick of Destiny. I love you JB and KG.

Monday, October 23, 2006

True Fans Know Where You Live

So this weekend I went back to visit my alma mater, The University of Michigan, to watch them play the Iowa Hawkeyes in football. There's something about UM that brainwashes you into becoming the most diehard football fan ever. I have friends that came in only knowing that football was something those that picked on them in high school played, and now they wear face paint to funerals that are held on Saturdays in September though November. I love Michigan and when I can afford tickets to a game I'll go. They really need to work on this ticket thing for alumni, but that's another blog. For those of you that did not watch the game, or actually do something besides freeze and yell for three hours, the Wolverines ended up winning and kept the Hawkeyes (how sad is it that they only get on part of the Hawk to cheer for) to only six points.

This morning I'm forwarded a story from USA Today (they have color graphs!) about the Michigan coach Lloyd Carr. Lloyd's career with Michigan hasn't been spectacular, but it is no ways the worst ever. The current Michigan team came into the season ranked at 15 and has gone undefeated to move up to #2 in rankings (right behind Ohio State University, their biggest rival). In my opinion, Coach Carr deserves some kudos for taking a pretty young team and moving them up thirteen spots and getting the nation's attention. So I was surprised to read about the stalker that was sending obscene emails and looking into his, and other coaching staff's, cars.

Alright fanatics, you've got some s'plainin' to do. Let's make this simple - this is a game. Nothing happens when we lose, the University doesn't explode, the students don't lose limbs, and passerbies don't start bleeding from the eyes. Now, I get upset when Michigan, or any team I'm rooting for, loses but I had no control over it and in a couple of hours I've forgotten all about it. I can understand players getting upset at coaches, and even their family members, but just some random guy?

I feel bad for people like Coach Carr and other spotlight people (minus Paris Hilton, Lindsey Lohan, and the rest) for the treatments they receive. I can't believe all the things I heard while I was at the game of what Coach Carr could do with the football and his mother and parts of his body. The guy is just calling plays and I'm guessing he does a pretty good job of it as he is the coach of a Top 25 college. I'm going to throw paparazzi into this mix as well. Please leave poor George alone. The guy does some decent movies and just wants to eat his pasta in peace.

So all you stalkers out there, just realize that the actions you're taken are pushing the person you have life-size posters of in your room farther away from you. These are just normal people like you and me that make choices that we may disagree with but they don't deserve scary emails with photoshopped pictures of you and them holding a baby.

Friday, October 20, 2006

I guess that looks like Waldo

So I just read a great article in the Times about Halloween. Let me preface by saying that I am a HUGE fan of Halloween.

1. Candy...for free! I mean how can you turn this down. And it's not like it ends when were in high school. We take a few years off b/c that's SO below us...but then we remember the great mini-sized candy bars and the sugar daddies (are those sold any other time of year) and we get right back into it.
2. Pumpkin carving. Next to Michelangelo, I think pumpkin carvers are the biggest pimps in the sculpting world. To take some fat, odd vegetable and make it light up is awesome. And I know most of you like to eat them seeds know it.
3. Dressing up. The costumes I see at this time of year are great. We all have that time when we see someone with an amazing costume that we just want to give that person all of the candy in our bag because it was so brilliant.

Counting the reasons I love Halloween is like trying to list my favorite will never end. Back to the article though. It spoke on how the costumes for women during Halloween have become more of a bathing suit with a witch/nurse/ref's feel to it. I'm really confused by this. I haven't seen outfits these trashy at a strip club, but on Halloween I'll see my fair share. They're also a little too pedophilia for me (see below).

This is when the male part of my brain jumps in and says, "What are you even arguing about this for?! Isn't this the best thing ever?!" And then I hit my head and tell it to stop talking to me. It is difficult at first because every man's fantasy comes true on this day. Do you like the Tarzan-jungle like women...but sexy? Do you like the French maid...but sexy? Do you like George W...but sexy? It's a kinky person's dream.

Then reason comes in. First off, guys we're wearing a cheesy Superman costume or Chewbacca you really think that's going to get these amazing looking women turned on? I mean I know some women who have a Chewbacca fetish...but it's small. Secondly, I don't know if you've ever tried dancing, walking, or even breathing with a Halloween costume on but it's impossible. Add a mask and you're sweating and wheezing like someone with TB. Now that's sexy. Finally, it just perpetuates these stereotypes that men can do whatever they want and looks don't matter, however, if these women don't dress up then they'll be ignored at the party. Let's give credit where credit is due. It doesn't take any skill or creative thought to wear a short skirt, small top, and horns and say you're a devil. I did once see a woman dressed up as a mouse with a halo and I asked what she was. "Failed Lab Rat" is what she said. That's hilarious and creative. Those are the women that should be getting our attention.

PS: Below is my Halloween costume. Hopefully I can pull it off.

Wednesday, September 20, 2006

Pulled a Hammy

So the new season of Biggest Loser started this week. I have to admit that I'm a big fan of the show...and I'm not a loser. And Big is a great movie starring Tom Hanks. Anyway, one reason I really like this show is that you actually do see the difference some healthy eating and working out can make for these people. The other great thing is this show is about health, not body image. These people aren't working out b/c they want to get on the cover of Maxim, but b/c it hurts to get up in the morning. And I'm not talking getting out of bed, but their eyelids hurt when they open up...that's how bad these people are.

This new season is still trying to pull in the ratings, though. The seller this season is that there are 50 people, each representing their own state. First off, that is just ridiculous. Why would some guy who eats stuffed pizza and italian beefs every day be someone I'm rooting for? Just b/c he was born in the same state as me? I guess you can only do so many Army vs Navy challenges, right NBC? Secondly, they kicked off 36 people within the first ten minutes of the show (they obviously couldn't have 50 people at the ranch at once...just think of all the snoring!). So now you've got 36 people that are going home thinking they're either not as fat as they thought they were, or even more depressed...great.

So I've been working out a little more as well...and it's been difficult. I'm in no way as large as the people on Biggest Loser, but I'm no Joey Lawrence either (Whoa!). First off, anyone who runs for fun or did cross country in college...WHAT IS WRONG IN YOUR HEAD?! Cardio is like watching paint dry in my opinion. I get bored after ten minutes. Luckily, my workout time coincides with Simpsons and Seinfeld so I have something to distract me from the bleeping message on the treadmill telling me to attach the blood pressure meter (I don't want no robot knowing more about me than needed...they'll take over, I'm tellin' ya).

After reading more and more about how we're the most obese country on this fat planet, I really think more of us could walk a little more and eat a little less. If someone gets on one more elevator with me to go only one floor up or down, I will have Richard Simmons tail them into their office and make them kiss his short shorts. Don't get me wrong, I love ice cream and cheeseburgers, but not enough to make Sally Struthers cringe. I love America and our freedom to do what we want...just be responsible people.


PS: Haircut is fine and I'm now growing a beard.
PPS: See Little Miss Sunshine

Thursday, June 22, 2006

Bad Hair Day Pt. 1

So I did it. I found out one thing that really sucks about living in the city.

Now I knew moving out here there were going to be some changes that I prepared myself for.
  • The public transporation is also a public bathroom
  • There are no Applebee's, Chili's, Chi-Chi's, or other suburban-type restaurants
  • People are stabbed daily
you know, the usual. But what I've just discovered really sucks. You cannot get a haircut in this city for under $50!

I used to go to a great place called Fannie's. The guy cut my hair, yes cut as in used scissors not just a trimmer the whole time, while a flat panel TV would play Family Guy. And the entire cost was $19! The place was great and the guy was hilarious. I knew it was in trouble when I was the only one in there everytime I got my haircut. So one day while I was brushing my long bangs out of my eyes, I walked up to Fannie's address and low and behold it had been cut. No Fannie's! What am I to do.

I now understand why women have such a strong love of their stylist. I tried the SuperCuts route and was treated like a new Army recruit. I was in the seat for maybe two minutes while the butcher went at my hair with a trimmer. Sure, it was $9, but I looked nine years old when I got out. So I need to have someone I trust. Someone who knows the style I like and the length and the topics of conversation...and doesn't cost a fortune.

I've started to look around and it looks like I'm going to have to attend one of those salon's where the man puts his whole name. Have you noticed that only the male owned ones do this? Micheal Jacobs Salon, Henry Goudeaux Salon, Dennis Rodman Salon...there are no female ones. Those all have the trendy names like: Water, Blue, Nightline, etc.

So I'm going to try one of these places out and see how it goes. I'll let you all know in my next blog. Wish me luck and please, tell Fanny I miss her.

Monday, June 19, 2006

I'm Still Alive

I know, I's been a long time since I've posted. I think Angelina Jolie had a baby. I promise to have a new post up soon. In the meantime, check out the latest episode of Knowledge is Power.

Monday, June 05, 2006

You're Fired!

I'm not sure if many of you know, but I work in academia. No, that isn't a cool arcade with the latest jetski video game...that means I work in higher education. And no, that doesn't mean we're all high all the time...although sometimes I think people who work there are. This leads me to one of my biggest beefs with the education system...TENURE.

For those of you not in the know, tenure is a process that was created in the '70s to keep faculty members from being fired for teaching against the norms. When a faculty member became tenured, they couldn't be fired without a really, REALLY good reason. I can see this being a necessary item in the '70s when professors were being fired for wanting to enroll more blacks and women, or informing students there are other religions than Christianity, or that Santa Claus isn't real. Either way, I think we've come far enough that we know you can't just fire people for no good reason. Shoot, when I worked at Circuit City we couldn't fire the girl that came in late everyday, sat in the back eating Doritos for twenty minutes, talking on her cell phone, and swearing at customers without having three writeups and then consulting HR to make sure everything is ok.

So I work with some faculty members that need to be fired. They are never in the office. I think they teach one class every two years. And almost all of the students have problems/issues with these professors. I'm not going to name names, but I have a friend that works with a Nobel prize winning professor, and says that this person has done nothing since they won the award...but they're still on the payroll.

I really think the idea of tenure needs to be removed. I don't see professors as being a benefit for enrollment. If anyone were to be tenured it should be the people that work in Marketing. When I was searching for colleges, it had nothing to do with whether or not Dr. Seuss taught there, it was whether or not I thought the university was a good one (i.e. Marketing). I can see in the long run that professors have something to do with enrollments in that well-known professors will bring in more students. But you could also say groundskeepers should be tenured seeing as I know certain people who pick the college based off the tour they took of the campus.

I also think America is pretty desensitized now. I've heard of classes that teach "How to be Gay: The Sociology of Homosexuality" which I would assume is pretty risque, and crazy stuff like how the Holocaust isn't real...I mean real nut jobs teaching. In the long run, students aren't going to enroll in courses with professors that are assholes or crazy or both. No other occupation has tenure. So if one day Bill Gates isn't well liked...he can be canned. But the senior citizen in my office that doesn't understand why hitting the "insert" button makes the computer "evil" and destory their "email to their son/daughter" about their "fishing trip".

So I've decided to make a short list of people/positions that I believe should be tenured.

1. Nurses

These are the men and women (yes, women are nurses, too) are the ones that deal with a lot of shit...literally. I don't know about you, but the last time I went to the doctor's office I was explaining to the nurse what hurt (my heart), why (Brad and Jen had broken up), and then was given some treatment ("Man up Pussy!"). And then the doctor walked in and I think said four or five words. What the hell?! I mean imagine me puking, pooping, bleeding, or a combo of all three of those and that's what nurses put up with daily. I think they shouldn't be fired without some real good reasons.

2. Magicians

These people are pimps! Think of how pissed off of a mood you can get in. Think that someone hit your car, when you got out to talk to them a bird poops on your head, and then your cell phone rings and it's your boss yelling at you asking why you're late. Now think of a pimp magician walking up to you, showing you something cool with a deck of cards, and all your anger melts away. I love magicians and think they should never be fired.

3. Comedy Writers/Actors

These are the people that acutally make the dull, repetitive job life fun! You know that person at your work that has an imitation of everyone there down to the "t". This person makes everyone laugh and really has no enemies. The other main reason is if you fire them, they'll end up making fun of you in their hit TV show/ beware.

Aliens, Ducks, and Pedophiles

The new podcast is up for this week. Please check it out here.

Thursday, June 01, 2006

The Worst Type of Scavenger Hunt

So before I started this whole blogging thing, I had done a great deal of research. By research, I mean reading other's blogs and thinking, "I can do that...but funnier!" Let's hope this is one of those times when what I think is actually right. Anyway, I've discovered that although there are hundreds of blogs in this Internet Sea, there are really only five main types.

1. The Political Blog

This type of blog can be divided into two sub-blogs. One being the "Bush is the stupidest, ugliest, redneckiest idiot I can think of in the history of humans and he and his entire cabinet should burn!" I've never understood why it is that people don't like the President's furniture...but to each his own. The other is the "President Bush is a hero to this country and all liberal, bleeding heart, pansies should toughen up and get real!" I'm very concerned about these non-liberals...what does their heart run on?

2. The Ideological Blog

This blog is the one that really makes you think. It's usually a very hip, young man/woman that lives in New York and has all these pondering questions on why is it that fur is legal but hemp is not. Or how can a God exist in a world where Big Momma's House 2 does number one in the box office. And other mind bending questions. Let me start over...this blog is the one that makes you think how is this person sober enough to type and how can they afford to live in NY and I'm still eating Lean Pockets?

3. The Like Oh My God Blog! :) @-->--

This is the blog that sometimes makes me taste bile. It's the ever famous blog of what you're hoping is a 12-13 year old girl, and discover it's the Assistant *Insert Job Title* that is at all your meetings. This 20-30 year old writes in her blog about "how totally rude Chad was at the party and luckily my beotchs were there to laugh and dance with me...dont'cha wish your girl was hot like me?!" These blogs can tend to upset me b/c I wonder how did someone with the writing skills of Girl Talk Diary get a job better than mine...but then I remember with a simple click of the Print button I can bring her down to my level.

4. The Nerd Blog

Hey, want to know about the hilarious animation mistake in the forest scene in LOTR2. If you're like me you don't even know what LOTR means (it's Lord of the Rings btw, lol). These blogs have all this info. From what Transformer characters will be in the next Michael Bay flick, to the number of times Seinfeld has said the phrase "Neuman". I have to admit, I like these blogs though b/c they're not trying to be anything other than what they truly are.

And finally, my least favorite type of blog:

5. The Scavenger Hunt

These blogs have so many hyperlinks I forgot what I was reading by the first sentence. Almost every word in the blog is a link to something else. Here is an example of what appears online:

I overheard two women talking about Enron today. I couldn't believe how stupid they were.

JUST WRITE WHAT YOU WANT US TO KNOW! I feel like I'm back in college and looking at the references to every sentence in a book I'm doing research on. After reading these blogs I usually take a nap.

So I guess my blogs fall in a sixth category The Rambling Blogs. These are my favorite, not only because it's the type I write, but it's usually some normal person's perspective on life and the little things that can either piss us off or make us laugh so hard we pee our pants. Either way urine is involved and that can't be bad. So please, enjoy my ramblings and take them with a grain of helps lower your cholesterol.

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

First Posting

So this is it. I've finally joined the blogging world. You may be asking yourself "Why now, Eric?" or "Do you really have that much to say?" or even "Can he really be that full of himself?"

I've been having a lot of fun with my podcast and I felt that there was so much more that I wanted to say about the items we talked about or things we couldn't even get to in the show. If you haven't listened to the show, please do and LEAVE COMMENTS so we know how we're doing. We're in the process of adding music and other cool things. Also, check out Greg's vodcast as well...he works real hard and deserves a pat on the tuchus.

Not really much to say in this first posting. Just really setting this whole thing up. I hope to talk about items on a frequest basis and let you all know the inner workings of my brain.

I'll leave you with a great photo of the latest movie that I believe will kill in the box office.