Monday, June 05, 2006

You're Fired!

I'm not sure if many of you know, but I work in academia. No, that isn't a cool arcade with the latest jetski video game...that means I work in higher education. And no, that doesn't mean we're all high all the time...although sometimes I think people who work there are. This leads me to one of my biggest beefs with the education system...TENURE.

For those of you not in the know, tenure is a process that was created in the '70s to keep faculty members from being fired for teaching against the norms. When a faculty member became tenured, they couldn't be fired without a really, REALLY good reason. I can see this being a necessary item in the '70s when professors were being fired for wanting to enroll more blacks and women, or informing students there are other religions than Christianity, or that Santa Claus isn't real. Either way, I think we've come far enough that we know you can't just fire people for no good reason. Shoot, when I worked at Circuit City we couldn't fire the girl that came in late everyday, sat in the back eating Doritos for twenty minutes, talking on her cell phone, and swearing at customers without having three writeups and then consulting HR to make sure everything is ok.

So I work with some faculty members that need to be fired. They are never in the office. I think they teach one class every two years. And almost all of the students have problems/issues with these professors. I'm not going to name names, but I have a friend that works with a Nobel prize winning professor, and says that this person has done nothing since they won the award...but they're still on the payroll.

I really think the idea of tenure needs to be removed. I don't see professors as being a benefit for enrollment. If anyone were to be tenured it should be the people that work in Marketing. When I was searching for colleges, it had nothing to do with whether or not Dr. Seuss taught there, it was whether or not I thought the university was a good one (i.e. Marketing). I can see in the long run that professors have something to do with enrollments in that well-known professors will bring in more students. But you could also say groundskeepers should be tenured seeing as I know certain people who pick the college based off the tour they took of the campus.

I also think America is pretty desensitized now. I've heard of classes that teach "How to be Gay: The Sociology of Homosexuality" which I would assume is pretty risque, and crazy stuff like how the Holocaust isn't real...I mean real nut jobs teaching. In the long run, students aren't going to enroll in courses with professors that are assholes or crazy or both. No other occupation has tenure. So if one day Bill Gates isn't well liked...he can be canned. But the senior citizen in my office that doesn't understand why hitting the "insert" button makes the computer "evil" and destory their "email to their son/daughter" about their "fishing trip".

So I've decided to make a short list of people/positions that I believe should be tenured.

1. Nurses

These are the men and women (yes, women are nurses, too) are the ones that deal with a lot of shit...literally. I don't know about you, but the last time I went to the doctor's office I was explaining to the nurse what hurt (my heart), why (Brad and Jen had broken up), and then was given some treatment ("Man up Pussy!"). And then the doctor walked in and I think said four or five words. What the hell?! I mean imagine me puking, pooping, bleeding, or a combo of all three of those and that's what nurses put up with daily. I think they shouldn't be fired without some real good reasons.

2. Magicians

These people are pimps! Think of how pissed off of a mood you can get in. Think that someone hit your car, when you got out to talk to them a bird poops on your head, and then your cell phone rings and it's your boss yelling at you asking why you're late. Now think of a pimp magician walking up to you, showing you something cool with a deck of cards, and all your anger melts away. I love magicians and think they should never be fired.

3. Comedy Writers/Actors

These are the people that acutally make the dull, repetitive job life fun! You know that person at your work that has an imitation of everyone there down to the "t". This person makes everyone laugh and really has no enemies. The other main reason is if you fire them, they'll end up making fun of you in their hit TV show/ beware.


Enochs said...

You won't name names but I bet one could narrow down the Pulitzer Prize winners from lovely Loyola. Where's your damn sitemeter?

Eric said...

Um what says I work at Loyola (shhhhhhh). Also, the prize winner is not from here...another frined that works in higher ed.

I tried setting it up but it wasn't working...I'll try again when I get home.